FTWM – full time working mother

March 17, 2013 in Uncategorized

I had started off this post about how I had always wanted to be a lady of leisure and then a SAHM (stay-at-home-mother) when I became a mom. Besides wanting to spend time with my kids, it was also because I never had much luck with nice bosses and good working environments. But a weekend of solo parenting with the husb away and busy grandparents have me raising a white flag and deleting all that I had wanted to write about wanting to be a SAHM again. Yes, my friends..you have heard me right – I am no longer keen to be a SAHM! Part-time, probably. Full-time, no thank you.

To be eligible for the label of FTWM, obviously I have to be working full-time. I’m really thankful that I finally found a nice boss and a work environment that is family-friendly. I get to go home on time and don’t have to worry about work once I leave the office. (Hope I don’t jinx anything by writing it out here in public!) It is important for us because the husb has to travel quite often, so one of us has to be always around. The biggest plus of a job is that it helps pay my bills and makes me more appreciative of the time I have with my kids and family. I remember missing proper adult conversations as well during the time I was a SAHM, so having colleagues give me a good dose of adult conversations every day at least!

But to be able to go to work with a peace of mind is possible only with good caregivers. Hence, I’m extremely grateful that we are staying together with my family and my parents can help us with the kids. Even my brothers, sis-in-law and grandma chip in to help at times! How very lucky we are.

kids with lousy bed-tiquette

Both Thaddeus and Teanne are lousy with sleep. Thaddeus tends to make noise during his sleep with his cries to come over to sleep in our bed or asks for milk (which we try to avoid giving until it’s around time to wake up), while Teanne still wakes up for her 3-hourly feeds (zZzzZ!). Thus, Teanne has to sleep with my parents on Sunday-Thursday nights so that the husb and I won’t look too horrid for work. I’m thankful they help me out by taking Teanne whenever the husb travels too.

So my typical FTWM weekday schedule goes something like this:

  • 0530-0630: Husb wakes to settle his son’s feed (I do this when he’s away on work trips)
  • 0700: I wake to start preparing for work
  • 0730: We bring the son down to my parents’ room after his wash up and change into school uniform.

    It usually takes some tears and tugging from the son and some crazy goodbye waves from the daughter before we can leave.
  • 0745: Husb and I do breakfast before he drops me off at the office – our ONLY proper us-time!
  • 0830-1200: I get some updates on how Thaddeus did at drop-off and/or how Teanne is doing.
  • 1200-1300: Lunch time = running of errands, getting kids’ stuff, replying personal emails and messages, etc
  • 1630: My parents or brother will send some updates on what Thaddeus is doing after they fetched him and my nephew from school.
  • 1800: The husb comes by to fetch me from work and we rush home to see our babies.
  • 1830: My parents give a quick summary on how the kids were for the day. We bring Thaddeus back to our room and take turns to bathe while the other plays with him.
  • 1900: Dinner time! My mum helps to feed Teanne solids while we make sure Thaddeus eats his dinner and have ours quickly too.
  • 1930: I take over Teanne while the husb keeps a watchful eye over his naughty cub playing with his cousins.
  • 2000-2015:

    Thaddeus bids everyone goodnight with a hug and we start our bedtime routine. I will help him brush teeth, clean up, change into PJs and read him a book if he’s good. The husb will get to spend some time with Teanne after cleaning her up and changing her as well. We are trying this arrangement because Thaddeus is very sticky to his Daddy and Teanne is sticky to me and each will give nonsense to the sticky parent.
  • 2100: By right, both kids should be asleep by this time. But well..we have our days. Either the husb or myself will then wash and sterilize the bottles. I will pack Thaddeus’ school bag and reply to the teachers through communication book, if required.
  • 2130: Prepare Teanne’s stuff for my mum – filling the bottles with cool water, replenishing more clothes, PJs, face towels and bibs, etc.
  • 2200: I will bring Teanne down to my parents’ room along with her stuff and get more updates on how the kids are doing, my parents’ upcoming schedules, etc.
  • 2230: On good nights, I will still have some energy left to actually do some stuff on the computer.
  • 2330: BEDTIME!

Repeat process every day of the work week. Sounds tiring but the husb and I always look forward to the even-more-tiring weekend when both kids sleep with us and we get to bring them out ‘cos these are the precious moments we never want to miss out on!

Life’s been kind and I’m grateful for these blessings.

Linking up with:
SANses.com's FTWM Motherhood Madness!

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15 Comments

  • Reply jean March 17, 2013 at 4:52 PM

    Thanks for sharing your routine! How are things going to change when you move to your new place?

    • Reply Missus Tay March 17, 2013 at 11:47 PM

      that’s a tough one. we may still need to stay here on weekdays ‘cos the childcare centre is very near to my parents’ place. gotta see how when our place is ready.

  • Reply Yamummy March 17, 2013 at 7:50 PM

    Recently I was contemplating to be a SAHM because I realise I am missing out so much of my kids growing up times & also can’t bear to leave my lil baby… Separation anxiety kicks in before I return to work in a month’s time : S

    But knowing myself that I m likely to turn into an insane mother shouting hysterically at my 2 kids, losing my temper on my husb after he returns from work due to over tiredness, that’s not the mother I want to turn into for my children. I thought twice n thrice & decided to stick to my FTWM. Luckily I have a job with conducive environment n working hours otherwise I would have not considered so hard whether to give up the job.

    Ur post made me more affirmed of my decision haha

    • Reply Missus Tay March 17, 2013 at 11:49 PM

      ya, i think a job that helps support our role as a FTWM helps a lot. given the toxic work environments i was previously in, i’d have stayed at home to be with the kids.

  • Reply Zee March 17, 2013 at 10:36 PM

    I like your opening para 😛

    Anyway, I do agree that weekends can actually be more tiring since you’re already tired from the week, and got to be even more hands on with the kids than during weekdays. That said, I really cherish my weekends because I get to spend almost every waking moment with A!

    Hope you’re recovering from your weekend of solo parenting!

    • Reply Missus Tay March 17, 2013 at 11:54 PM

      i always spend the early part of the work week trying to recover from the weekend. but the fatigue is all worthwhile when we see how much they enjoy our company right! 😉

  • Reply Connie March 17, 2013 at 11:35 PM

    we are on the same boat! I really prefer to be a FTWM cos I get to maintain my sanity and still have my own financial income. Less pay less hours ok but not SAHM. 🙂 You are coping very well girl and let jy together! 😀

    • Reply Missus Tay March 17, 2013 at 11:57 PM

      yes, i agree! i do hope to be able to work lesser hours in future when the kids are in primary school cos i think they may need more guidance with school and homework. now they are more at the playing stage, which i’m pretty sure they can cope. haha!

  • Reply Madeline Heng March 17, 2013 at 11:37 PM

    I feel tired just reading your schedule! OMG! Haha

    • Reply Missus Tay March 17, 2013 at 11:59 PM

      heh, my husb was very tempted to hire a maid just to do the baby chores but i told him “NO!” i will get a maid to do housework, but not baby chores. so in a way, i’m asking for it to be this tired out.

  • Reply San March 17, 2013 at 11:51 PM

    Haha… a “full” weekend with my kids is tiring enough for me too! 😛

    And I agree with Madeline’s comment… your schedule is a back-breaker!

    • Reply Missus Tay March 18, 2013 at 12:05 AM

      the week nights are not as bearable cos we only have so little time with the kids and so little time to do the chores. at least we have some fun time with the kids even though that means physically more tiring for us!

  • Reply Yann (@yannisms) March 18, 2013 at 10:48 AM

    Hee hee. I felt the same as you did, wanting to be a SAHM previously. And then I realised that having a job means I get to be a person other than MOMMY and I felt happier! 🙂

    I also feel your pain re kids who don’t sleep well….zzz…..

    • Reply Missus Tay March 18, 2013 at 10:12 PM

      all i wanted was to be a sahm and hide in the comfort of home with my baby then cos my previous work environment was very toxic. a good job environment is so different!

  • Reply qiu xian March 26, 2013 at 2:08 PM

    I also had thoughts like you wanting to be a SAHM, but after going back to work when the maternity leave ended for my second kid, I think I’m really better off being a FTWM. Not to say I don’t enjoy my kids or anything, but I do appreciate the extra income in helping the family and with SG really being so expensive in everything, every little bit helps. And thankfully I have my mum helping to look after both, and I get to knock off on the dot, so all this really helps too! 🙂

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